Gods of Modern Times: Parking Lot Gods.

Because I'm not using this blog for the book anymore, preferring now to keep that a little more private until it's completed, I've decided to go ahead and repurpose this blog spot page. So, what am I going to use it for? Well generally for being funny, but also I'm going to create a brand new list of Modern Gods.

Don't worry, I'm not going to be disrespectful to anyones current beliefs, this is a fictional list for entertainment purposes only. You may choose to worship these gods or not, their reality or lack thereof is entirely in your hands.

So where did this come from? Well every once in a while I hear people say things like "Thank the Gods of 'XXXXX.'" Today for example when we found a good parking spot at Sam's Club, a rare and wonderful event, like when Rum Chatta goes on sale (thanks the Gods of Liquor,)  and my wife said that the Parking Lot Gods were with us today.

And I thought, 'Who would be the Parking Lot Gods?' And we came up with a short list.

Nolukus - (no LOOK us) The Patron God of people who fail to check behind them before pulling out of a parking space. This is the same god who you pray to and thank when someone pulls out of a really good space just as you pull up looking for a spot.

Dordinger - The Goddess of people who park too close together, making it difficult to get back into your vehicle. She also bestows special blessings on those drivers with sliding door vans, and is also the Matron Goddess of unattended shopping carts.

Disbiltus - The Malevolent God, who changes normal parking spaces into handicap spaces 3 seconds before you get there. Also responsible for changing real parking spots into the areas with the lines that are not real spaces.

Vacanteus - Goddess of Open Parking Spaces, a mercurial goddess, sometimes spiteful, sometimes generous, she rewards those who follow the arrows in the aisles, and punishes those who are not patient in their quest to find an open spot. She is especially strong around the holiday shopping season.

Alongsidus - Not strictly a Parking Lot God, this is the God of Parallel Parking. He is not well understood by most, especially most women, but those who do worship find themselves blessed with the ability to fit a 15 foot vehicle into a 13 foot space without a single scratch.

I'm sure there are more, and there are probably other things these Deities are responsible for, so feel free to leave suggestions in the comments.