Gods of Modern Times: Gods of the Internet

Gods of the Internet: Too many to count, but here are a few of the major ones.

Megaladromo - King God of the Internet, one of the more powerful gods in existence today. He aims to be a benevolent god, but like many other gods he has inadvertently caused some harm as well. However, by and large is well loved and worshiped by most people in the world.

Visatex - The Goddess of Facebook. Fond of drama, gossip, and rumor, many might think that she is a terrible and mean spirited goddess, but her intentions are to keep friends and families close, even when they are far away. Unfortunately this has also caused  almost as many problems for her followers, as not.

Infotellicus - Hermaphrodite God of Google. Continues to grow in power and wisdom, but is feared by other gods. Also nearly omnicient, at least on the internet. Seems to have a deep abiding love for cats. Typical prayer: "Oh God, please tell me the answer's here somewhere."

Xenotrol - God of Reddit. He has many personalities, and many sub-gods but is a very democratic god, listening to the prayers of his followers. Also the god of popularity, and is in fact worshiped by many famous people, who give testimony at his behest, inviting other followers to "Ask them anything."

Malus and Porticus - Sibling gods of Mac and PC.  Malus was once seen as a goddess of art, music, apathy, and bohemianism, but has since become somewhat stubborn and controlling of her followers. Porticus on the other hand has always been the more powerful of the two, though many would say that he is also more dim-witted than his sister. Their rivalry has always been amicable though their followers tend to be at odds quite often.

Telegenica - Goddess of YouTube. Very voyeuristic goddess, watching her followers, and inviting them to watch eachother. Loves performance and enjoys when people make idiots of themselves. Recently married Infotellicus, although no one's really sure why.

Suffucus - The evil god of slow internet speeds. Delights in slowing things down in times of great need, but in times where speed is not needed, he takes no interest. 

Gods of Modern Times: Parking Lot Gods.

Because I'm not using this blog for the book anymore, preferring now to keep that a little more private until it's completed, I've decided to go ahead and repurpose this blog spot page. So, what am I going to use it for? Well generally for being funny, but also I'm going to create a brand new list of Modern Gods.

Don't worry, I'm not going to be disrespectful to anyones current beliefs, this is a fictional list for entertainment purposes only. You may choose to worship these gods or not, their reality or lack thereof is entirely in your hands.

So where did this come from? Well every once in a while I hear people say things like "Thank the Gods of 'XXXXX.'" Today for example when we found a good parking spot at Sam's Club, a rare and wonderful event, like when Rum Chatta goes on sale (thanks the Gods of Liquor,)  and my wife said that the Parking Lot Gods were with us today.

And I thought, 'Who would be the Parking Lot Gods?' And we came up with a short list.

Nolukus - (no LOOK us) The Patron God of people who fail to check behind them before pulling out of a parking space. This is the same god who you pray to and thank when someone pulls out of a really good space just as you pull up looking for a spot.

Dordinger - The Goddess of people who park too close together, making it difficult to get back into your vehicle. She also bestows special blessings on those drivers with sliding door vans, and is also the Matron Goddess of unattended shopping carts.

Disbiltus - The Malevolent God, who changes normal parking spaces into handicap spaces 3 seconds before you get there. Also responsible for changing real parking spots into the areas with the lines that are not real spaces.

Vacanteus - Goddess of Open Parking Spaces, a mercurial goddess, sometimes spiteful, sometimes generous, she rewards those who follow the arrows in the aisles, and punishes those who are not patient in their quest to find an open spot. She is especially strong around the holiday shopping season.

Alongsidus - Not strictly a Parking Lot God, this is the God of Parallel Parking. He is not well understood by most, especially most women, but those who do worship find themselves blessed with the ability to fit a 15 foot vehicle into a 13 foot space without a single scratch.

I'm sure there are more, and there are probably other things these Deities are responsible for, so feel free to leave suggestions in the comments.